This drawing came through me. What do you see? It’s actually much more amazing in person! Once I started and I couldn’t stop. I was possessed. And about half way through something clicked, and it touched me so deeply I wept. It was a deep wisdom that kicked in and reprogrammed my wiring.
You see, I have felt “less” because my connection with the Life-Force comes from my base and the Earth. And I’m surrounded by consciousness folks whose connection comes through etheric planes and the cosmos. Spaces I have not had access to in this life. So I have been comparing these two and conclude that the grass is greener on the other side! That the way it happens for me is somehow less evolved, less spiritual, less complete… basically just less. What I’ve really been doing is using even this amazing gift (because the access to the connection I do have is super powerful and precious, a huge gift) to play out my wound of “less”, “not good enough”. I faced this head on during the pilgrimage in Egypt in December and decided that game is over! Done! Enough of this self-hate!!!
As I shared openly and vulnerably, those from the “ascending path” did too. I had never considered that those on the other end of the spectrum also have insecurities! About not being as embodied, as juicy, as alive, not feeling as safe, grounded, connected, sexy etc. They have also compared and felt “less”, just like me! They have also concluded at times that the grass is greener on the other side! It was only when I could remove my veil of illusion that I could see the bigger picture. And what I discovered is that most of us, from a place of insecurity, fear or perceived inferiority, hold negative and/ or positive projections which limit the very thing we are longing for: wholeness! Once I could see and drop these projections, the very next day I was gifted the opportunity to come closer to wholeness! I was offered practical, tangible, do it at home practices that can help me open up more to the ascending path!
And I wept, because for the first time someone from the ascending path said: “you can too”. I have been saying this to those from the ascending path, that I have step-by-step ways that “they can too” connect to embodiment like me, we all can. But it never occurred to me that the same can be done in reverse. That “I could too!” Again, the projection of the unattainable and my brokenness. I cried tears of joy and relief, that “my antennae” isn’t broken after all, that I am not condemned (because that is what it felt like) to only know ½ of the whole in this life. That “I too” could be whole, know the entire spectrum. Of course this happened right after I could fully recognize the blessing, the honor and the preciousness of carrying what moves through me, instead of discounting it. Karma was burned… The lesson was learned… And the doors immediately opened!
As a result of being able to see the shadow of self-hate I was carrying in me, own my vulnerability openly, and be able to deeply appreciate what I have been gifted, I finally “got it”! As I was drawing this picture out, half way through, all I could see is that “it’s the SAME!!!” Is that sea or is that sky? Is that the sun or approaching the core of the earth? If this was 3D would the center be concaved in or arched up? They really are just mirrors!!! THAT is what I see. With every organ, muscle and bone in my body: I get it now!!! I do! I have been hearing this for a while now, that access to the void, Spirit, Life-Force is the same if you go down or if you go up, but it was not my truth … until now! There is no better or less, there isn’t even any real difference!
A dear soul friend, Jon Darrall- Rew pointed out: “So often in history this difference has been a source of battle and schism – light vs dark, solar vs lunar, masculine vs feminine. But when we can own the vulnerability underneath whatever tension we might have toward the other pole, as well as the particular strengths that have come from us choosing the path we did, we can come into connection with the other side, its gifts, and with those who hold it.”
And that is exactly what happened! There was an exchange, of me supporting a beautiful man on the ascending path to connect more to embodied Life-Force, and he offered to support me to connect more to the ascending pathway. And I learned that we are medicine for each other! The ascending and the descending paths are soul medicine for each other!!! When we drop the projections, we all want to be whole again. And we have that medicine for each other!!! All it takes is the willingness to be honest about the vulnerabilities and strengths of your particular way, recognizing the gifts the other is holding at the other pole, and in this way, entering into a beautiful alchemy!
And yet, there was one more stage waiting for me. After removing the veils of my own illusion that I was “stuck”, destined to only experience this half of the spectrum of Life-Force expression in this incarnation, after owning the beauty and strengths of what the descending path offers, after giving and receiving medicine, I realized not only that I can… but I have! I have profoundly journeyed on the ascending path numerous times in previous lives. I am so sure of it. How else to explain my level of presence, clarity, purity, integrity? I have the medicine I am looking for! Those out there are simply helping me to remember. In this life I’m meant to put the pieces together! I spent over a decade reconnecting to my body, emotions, the sacredness of my sexuality, and energy. I might spend another decade accessing, remembering and purifying my connection to spirit through my crown. That’s fine, mine seems to be the slow and thorough path. What is known cannot be unknown: I have deeply gone into both extremes of this duality, the ascending and the descending over many previous lives. There is nothing to be envious about out there, I have it all in me already. I AM the whole! We all are!
I recognize that this is a reflection of what is happening in the world: becoming whole through the medicine we have for each other. In the dawning of this Aquarius Age, where we are all teachers for and with each other… this is what it looks like at the pioneering stage. One polarity at a time coming into union, recognizing it is same same but different, longing enough to know wholeness that the masks are dropped, going beyond our comfort zone, the known, and beginning to remember. And so it is! The cosmic dance as it dances each and every one of us!
This drawing is up on my alter now and I meditate with it (using trataka). It’s absolutely mesmerizing. So so grateful for the lessons I’m blessed with in this life!!! For the openings! My message to you: trust and be sincere. You really want to see your shadows and blind spots? They will be revealed to you, so that you can come closer to wholeness, for the greater good of all. When you are ready you will attract exactly what you need for your next step on your path to wholeness. You are, I am, we all are truly held, truly loved, truly supported… By our true self: The One! Me – you – the One: It’s the SAME!!!