Written on: January 11, 2018
Many of you have asked about my 2 months at the 7th Ray Mystery School Highden, in New Zealand. Six words come: Soul-mining, heart- opening, purpose, connection! So if you are one of those people who have wondered about my time there, read this! Yes its long, AND it is worth it. In case you are called to The Temple Training (TTT) at Highden in the future:
If you are looking for another workshop, a series of peak/ high experiences, skills and practices for your tool kit, keep looking… THIS IS NOT FOR YOU! if you want to taste what it is like to live as a soul in a body, if you want to connect to your purpose in this life, connect deeper to yourself and to others, then pause, feel, this could be FOR YOU!
I know what it is like to live in pain and suffering because of disconnection, to myself, to my heart, to my soul, to my body… to others, to the world around me. Numbing myself to the point of believing that I could not feel, forgetting that it is a strategy to protect my sensitivity. Before I was even 10 years old I was angry and raging, frustrated in a life where I felt surrounded by zombies, empty lives without purpose, without real meaning. A sense of not belonging, to any particular place or group of people. I went searching, searching, searching… for what? It took me a while to understand it, and then to put it into words. But it is clear now.
I have heard that “the reason people awaken is because they have finally stopped agreeing to things that insult their soul.” 3.5 years have passed since my first soul initiation, although at the time I did not recognize it as such. Over the past 1.5 years I have made radical decisions (in my opinion) that have changed my life drastically. I vowed to not betray myself again, opening to love and soul to serve as my life’s guides, and whatever didn’t resonate with that would have to go. To be honest, since making this vow I have seldomly waivered or gotten shaken. But when I have, I have felt alone, even crazy. I have wept and trembled with fear. It has of course been an opportunity to make my resolve to follow my soul’s guidance even stronger. like a babe I crawl, stand, sometimes fall, get up again. Exercising those muscles, of connection, between spirit and matter, between body and soul. so grateful for the opportunity I have been given in this life! Today I harvest the bounty from the seeds I have planted over the past 41 years, Highden representing the jewel on the crown I wear, which have led me to this incredible place: living as a soul.
“I feel the bravery of each soul beginning to make its way across the deserts towards this oasis where we meet together in sanctuary”
– Bruce Lyon, Founder of the 7Th Ray Mystery School, Highden, NZ
What can I say about Highden? I was coming from a desert, where there are only pockets of green, of authentic real life, that somehow manage to survive here and there. Going to Highden felt like drinking from the fountain of source, a rest from searching and the struggle of swimming against the current. I came home… to myself, to my soul, to my heart, to my animal, to a tribe! I was determined, whatever I still needed to face i invited it to come… and it did! I welcomed the purification. I had only one wish: to live as soul in every way and in every aspect of my life. No exceptions! I knew I had made great gains in this over the previous year and a half, and I was ready to keep going full steam ahead. And there was nowhere else I knew where I could do that.
Six weeks is long enough to feel safe enough, to be seen enough,
to let others in enough, to open enough, to unmask enough,
to love enough and to be loved enough.
The personality can get by for 2 weeks maybe in an intense cauldron, but certainly not 6 weeks. Of those who were there, no one’s personality made it through unscathed. This might sound scary, it may sound like a relief, or a longing, or all of the above. Either way, it is the path to liberation! Know thy self, thy real self, know thy self as soul!
This was not another training for me, another set of tools and practices I could learn, or experiences I could have. That’s what I had been doing until then. This was the initiation into the rest of my life! Purification at the level of body, mind and emotions, so that the soul can be free. Devotion to freedom, love and purpose. So grateful this place inside me is possible, so grateful this place in the outer world exists. So honored to be a part of it energetically, physically, contributing in every way I can, with all of me!
I reflect back to how much changed as a result of those two months. In my inner world, different realms, and outer forms. Such depths, openings, initiations, heights. Connections: to sisters and brothers I have known before in circles, temples and along the path, to parts of me I’ve never met before in others yet there they were – mirrored back at me, to others holding the same intention as I, to a tribe, to community, to the forest, to different parts of me, to my soul, to the 7th Ray, to the mysteries. So blessed, so grateful.
Everyone’s journey is different, reflecting where they are on their path, their karma, what they need, etc. Yet no matter where you are on your journey, everything you need is accessible, everything! And in this container, all aligns so that you receive exactly what you need!
I got to know my spiritual impostor better. That part of me that imposes control fearing that in its absence there will only be chaos and despair. Realizing that is not true, it is only a fear, a wound I carry, I let go of control and in those moments made room for my soul and for spirit to flow through. And that has become a way of life now.
There was also that part of me that yelled independence and individuality from the roof-tops, masking fear and longing for love and connection. Oh yes! THAT part. I discovered, that not only am I connected but that it is impossible for me to disconnect no matter how hard and loud I scream it. Oh this connection! To my beloved, to other hearts, to other bodies, to other beings, to other souls, to nature, to the planets! For the first time I felt this Truth in my body, not as a concept or belief, the transmission of one-ness penetrated me deeply. From the one sprout many, unique expressions… Of the one. the different trees growing in the forest. The different branches from the one trunk. The different bodies, souls and personalities… All an expression of the one. And I’m part of the one. So it’s all me too. The veil of separation has been lifted. I just had to be willing and ready. Now it is my truth. And my body heart and soul feel so open, vulnerable, powerful, blissful, peaceful. I’ve heard it before, I’ve believed it, I’ve even said it… Now I know it! Now I remember it! Now I feel it! Now I see it! And this can’t be undone. I can’t un-know it, un-feel it, un-see it. And life has changed completely.
I allowed LOVE to penetrate me deeply, equal to presence and purpose. And this too has changed my life. I gave my inner union space, attention, and focus, and finally my masculine and feminine came into union. Now when I hear about “how men are” and “how women are”, etc, I cringe. I have a bodily reaction that says: no, I’m not just one or the other, don’t put me in a box. I realize that the vow I made at the union ceremony we had for our inner couple at Highden, is engraved in my being. I no longer have an “inner” masculine, second to my feminine, less in some ways. They are equal, they support and make space for each other, there is balance, I am whole.
I explored dark feminine sexual energies. Ones I have judged and criticized and feared and fantasized about, and allowed myself to be seen embodying them. I worked on healing my own inner abusive sexual energies, facing deep sexual shadows. Owning my dark masculine. I continued healing the warped, wounded, rejected, unloved parts of ME. The abuser and the abused, 2 sides of the same coin, polarities. These energies found union in the heart, came home to love, and let love in. For the first time my soul felt safe enough to go to the depths of my sexuality, and for the first time it was welcomed to stay.
I gave myself permission to be seen, really seen, in my power, in my essence. Seen in ways not even I had seen myself before. And there is no going back! There is no settling for less, of me. And it is all stored in me, in these bones and on this flesh, engraved in my being. Highden was an oasis for my body, heart and soul, where they all felt safe. Where I could dare to be me, fully and plainly. A combination of play ground, experiment lab and temple. Now I have returned to the deserts and I water the green, and water the cracks. When I facilitate groups now it is from a very different space, and it is also now impossible to not offer a taste of soul with each step along the way. Its not even about remembering, I live this, I vibrate this! I deeply know now, that anything less would be a waste of this human life i have been gifted.
I believe this is my soul’s calling in this life:
to support soul-awakening on this planet. Period.
By modeling it, how I live my daily life;
by what I transmit as a facilitator;
by supporting the emergence and establishment of mystery schools,
safe havens, oasis, for souls, with all my resources,
especially my time, energy, presence, heart and money.
Before Highden my wings were spread and I was ready to take off. Now I am flying. I have finally chosen, out of free will, what had already been chosen for me! This is what my soul has been preparing me for all my life, for many lives I presume. And I have a sense this is what the rest of my life will be committed to in one-way or another: the reemergence of the temples, supporting them as a mid-wife and sustaining them in different ways.
Thank you Bruce Lyon for being a beacon of light, sounding the call for souls to hear far and wide, to remember and to come back home. Consistently, continuously! Thank you for holding point for Highden’s rebirth, what feels like a lighthouse in the tumultuous rocky waters of much of today’s world. Thank you for modeling the center point of the cross! Grateful for this oasis and greenhouse that is Highden. May such soul oasis flower across the globe. May these seeds, these embodied souls who experience Highden, scatter far and wide, and blossom!
“For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To someone who doesn’t understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” – Cynthia Occelli
I’m grateful that I’ve taken the steps I have taken, that I have been guided as I have been guided, to have reached this point in my life. I’m grateful to all those who have supported me and to those who have challenged me, people, situations, places. It has all led to this.
So why did You come here (this incarnation)? Is it to know yourself as soul and live from that place? That’s why I have come. I have only one wish for you: May your soul feel so parched in the dessert that it shakes you awake to coming home!
I leave you all now with something I wrote towards the end of my stay at Highden, blessings on your journey and hopes that you one day make it to a place like Highden… you are too important to miss this!!!:
i know why I’m here
i know why i have returned
i am willing
i am able
i am ready to be seen for who i truly am: a SOUL EMBODIED in a beautiful temple, this body, in this beautiful temple, this planet YES to this!
no more peak-a-boo, hide and seek games .
with every cell in my body: YES!
with every part of my being: YES!
This This This… and nothing less!!!
i give everything to This!
i will fiercely and ferociously defend and protect This!
no, this is not drama… this is what it means to be A-LIVE! to really live! to be FREE! to LOVE! to know thy self. THIS!!!
i know why I’m here!
i know why i have returned!
my time to ripen has arrived, i have claimed my TRUE INHERITANCE… fully: MY SOUL
and i wish nothing less for you beloved… yes YOU!
to know the beauty and sweetness that is your SOUL
to at least taste it!
you too may decide that you want nothing less
you too may then be called to live the temple, the mystery, in your body
this is my prayer, this is the sound of my note, and i will ring it loud and clear
drink of me, feed off me, nourish yourself! there is a feast to be had! cheers to that!
there is still work to be done of course
and I’m grateful that there is a group of brothers and sisters that i can turn to for support, reach out to, lean on, know that they too are willing, to live THIS! to stand for THIS!
it is almost time for these seeds to disperse throughout this temple, our planet, and take roots! yes! less desert, more oasis!!! oh yes!
thank you family here at Highden, for holding THIS space, together!
now… back to work!