Lets look at abundance in its many forms. Whether its life force energy, orgasmic states of being, money, resources, love, connections, or spirituality, it all boils down to a sense of abundance. Abundance is rooted in the belief that this is a kind existence, and knowing and feeling that “I am supported”, as opposed to needing to struggle, get/ win/ find, defend/ protect, or prove something.

For example, a Queen does not need to prove she is a Queen, she does not go around with her Queen title papers in her bag just in case her status is challenged. She knows it and she carries this from within. So consider the quality of abundance in your life and the archetype of the Queen (and King) in your life. Do you have a sense of abundance or a sense of scarcity in your life? Do you trust that you are held and sustained by something deeper or greater then you? Down deep inside do you believe this world is kind and supportive or that it’s out to get you? Do you carry a sense of worthiness or unworthiness?

Here is a bit about my journey with abundance, I would love to hear about yours!

I have never had any problems attracting money. Since I was 13 I worked to have my own pocket money and never asked my parents for spending money again. I have not had the belief that I need to struggle or “work hard” in order to have money. On the contrary, I have always believed, again since a teenager, that if you follow your passion, if you do what you do from your heart, you will be supported, you will be taken care of. This was radical thinking and behavior in my household, with parents and grandparents that carried imprints from war-time scarcity. Passion? Heart? What? But I’m a Taurus, and I can be stubborn! In a good way. 😉

I have also never had a problem holding on to money. I’ve always had savings, I’ve always (since a teenager) been the one that has enough to lend to others. I’ve always had enough to do what I want. I made the decision when I was a child that money would never be the deciding factor why I did or did not do something. I refused to give it that power over me. It was clear to me that money was the servant, not the master!

So my capacity to attract money, to retain/ contain money, and to nourish others with money has not been an issue for me in this life. Now translate that into womb and femininity. It is the ability for your womb, or for you as a woman, to attract, sustain and nourish/ love. Where are you at with this in your life? This combines the Queen and the Mother Archetypes. And… it goes deeper…

So from the outside I looked abundant. For years I earned very well as a UN diplomat, threw all kinds of social events, and paid for my family to visit me wherever I was. I have no debt. I have earned very well as a Tantra facilitator doing what I love, to the point where I only worked a few weeks per year facilitating groups, still had plenty left to save, and traveled across the world the rest of the time. I even invested in a Mystery School in NZ. I lend money to loved ones to support them during times of transition. Abundant and generous right? Overflowing yes?

But something was off and I knew it from the inside but couldn’t identify it for a long time. I discovered that there was one piece missing. I could not see money as something I could personally find pleasure in. Something that would support soul, mine and others, yes! A servant of the heart and therefore could support those I love, yes. Something that I could use to the last Dollar/ Euro for self-development and growth, yes! But something I could find pleasure in personally? NO!

I had made a decision as a very, very young child, that money did not equal love, was not a substitute for love. My father left our family home when I was 1 and would send money so my brother and I could go to a private school, have private piano and ballet lessons, and send toys, clothes, candies… everything but himself. I decided my love could not be bought!

So money was my servant, but not my lover! I could not allow myself to be loved by it, nor could I really love it. It was a relationship of domination, me attempting to have power over it. And behind that, fear that it would take power over me if I let it. Deep down I feared that I was corruptible. So I was very strict with this relationship. Pleasure was certainly not a part of it, neither was love.

So I needed to let go of that decision I made as a child, from a wounded space, from the conclusion that I was not sustained and not supported inside, in my heart, by my father. I had to let go of a whole structure I had developed around this deep-rooted belief, and do exactly what I had vowed I would never do: to see money as a way to self-love! Because it had been ok to express love though money to others, but not to myself. When I was able to finally find this limiting belief, based on scarcity mentality, lurking in a dark corner of my psyche, I knew it was the key I was looking for! From this realization I was able to shift things for myself, from the inside! There was no big change obvious from the outside, but I could certainly feel the difference inside. An expansion, a relaxation… joy, ease and pleasure!

And when I discovered this I found also a lack of abundance in my life force, in my capacity for pleasure, and my ability to personally just enjoy life! It had to be serious and deep, pleasure was not high on my list. I was holding myself back! I was holding the abundance of energy back from flowing through me.

Just like you can’t choose to not feel one emotion and feel the rest, because you end up numbing yourself off to all of them, you can’t choose to feel one kind of energy abundantly and not another. Energy either flows through you abundantly or it doesn’t. Money is an energy just like everything else, except that it’s a very powerful energy. So imagine taking on a very powerful lover, unlike anyone else! 😉 mmmmm.

So I began the journey of opening myself to letting the abundance of energy flow through me! Gush through me! And nourish me! The Queen archetype has been one I have had to work on integrating, for sure. These were the key lessons for me: bringing joy/ pleasure and money together! Allowing self-love and money to come into union in me!

What about you? What have been some key lessons for you around abundance, love, what you can attract, what you can sustain, and what you can enjoy?

Whether it’s money, orgasmic flow, pleasure, joy, let abundance flow through you in every way! Aho!!!