“Don’t be like a girl!” AND “Respect Women!”
Let that contradiction sink in for a moment.
This is the message that most boys receive. “Don’t be like a girl”, “Don’t cry”, “Don’t be a sissy” (slang for an effeminate or gay male). The list goes on. The bottom line is that in order to be a “REAL Man” those in men’s bodies need to NOT be “like a girl”. So what’s the bottom line here? Being a girl means being weak, and generally less in some way. For far too long across most cultures and socieities, in the name of becoming “a real man” those in men’s bodies have been taught to reject, suppress, or at the very least minimize to a great degree, the energies and qualities within them that are associated with the feminine. And at the same time, those in men’s bodies have been expected to respect women. Clearly a mind f*ck.
I am in a woman’s body and I was largely raised with this contradiction as well. Many of us in the West in women’s bodies have this imprint as well, to some extent. I can totally empathize with just how self-destructive this can be and how it can limit every aspect of one’s life. It becomes basically impossible to access our vulnerability, and if we do it feels like suicide to ever be seen it. It literally feels like being easy prey in a den of lions waiting to pounce.
Not only does this conditioning make it absolutely impossible to actually respect women, but it makes it impossible to truly respect the feminine whether it’s in a woman’s or a man’s body, in nature or the planet itself.
Without deep connection to their own feminine those in men’s bodies are left having to outsource the feminine to those in women’s bodies. Usually their friends or partners. Either rejecting qualities of the feminine in women that they were taught to reject in themselves, or longing for and envying this expression in women, perhaps living it vicariously through them. Usually it’s both. Some stereotypical examples are: reducing the value of or feeling overwhelmed by strong emotional expression; envying full body orgasms and extended pleasure; and longing for deeper heart connections with others. There are many examples of course.
Women also play into this conditioning. Often the feminine in a man is rejected by other men AND by women in his life. The circle of sisterhood is not extended to her, the sister who lives in a man’s body. She is often not seen, valued, appreciated. Again, the stereotypical examples are of those in men’s bodies teasing others for not being “man enough”, and those in women’s bodies expecting those in men’s bodies to “do the man thing” (whatever that may mean for her – largely due to her immature masculine not being able to be there for her, but that’s another blog). As a result, our sister in men’s bodies often remains stunted, unable to grow into her full potential, support the masculine in a man’s body, support with family, with work, or support humanity as a whole. We all loose when this sister is ignored, rejected or condemned.
Clearly this conditioning isn’t serving anyone. It’s harmful and outdated. If any ONE of us is taught/ conditioned to “not be like a girl”, then the truth is that none of us can fully embrace our feminine. From a soul’s perspective, then none of us are truly free to do so. We really all do loose! It’s time we stop being ashamed of the feminine in men’s bodies. It’s time we stop expecting those in men’s bodies to “not be like a girl”. It’s time we all stand for the feminine, for the girl inside us all. It’s time we choose wholeness instead of polarization.
Accessing the deepest parts of my vulnerability is what has given me access to an unshakeable strength, access to real power. It has allowed me to enter into levels of intimacy and inter-connectedness I could not have even imagined. And I wish that for every human being on the planet. Owning my pleasure (in all aspects of life) and giving myself full permission for connection was an act of reclaiming my birthright! And this is every single human being’s birthright, it doesn’t matter what body you were born into!
It is an incredibly touching experience to acknowledge my sisters in men’s bodies. In these sisters I have witnessed a feminine frozen in time, not allowed to develop, mature or blossom into her full potential. I have also witnessed some of the purest expressions of the unwounded feminine. After all what better place to hide the feminine then in a man’s body, where she won’t have to face all the conditioning or the interactions that come with the feminine in a woman’s body! I have been moved to tears, exalted in states of ecstasy, come into deep sisterhood, and have been gifted so many lessons and modeling, by my sisters in men’s bodies. I am grateful for every single one of those imprints! The ones that have confirmed to me the importance of setting the feminine free in us all, and the ones that have shown me how free and beautiful she already is!
I no longer want to live in a world where some of my sisters are not recognized and supported to flower into their fullest expression, just because of the body they were born into.
I no longer want to live in a world that cuts the feminine off in any way from those in men’s bodies, ultimately prohibiting them from knowing themselves as whole, and as souls beyond this form/ body.
I am no longer willing to tolerate the shaming and condemnation of the feminine, wherever and in whoever she expresses herself.
I am no longer willing to accept the self-destructive conditioning passed down to those in men’s bodies (in particular but not only, those in women’s bodies get it too, no one wins under such conditions… NO ONE!).
Sisters in men’s bodies: I see you, I love you, I miss you! You are welcomed here… now… fully… always!